HOW DO YOU REBUILD YOUR LIFE AFTER A FELONY

Change is inevitable. It often causes us to examine our values and re-evaluate our priorities.

There are certain experiences that come about in life, that trigger this change, such as – marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, or starting a family. It could also be the loss of a loved one or friend. It may be a global crisis (like the pandemic) or even something traumatic. 

While I would not consider all events leading to change to be a good thing, it will generally lead to something positive, in the form of real human growth.

Often not discussed and lost in the shuffle with these milestone moments is a felony conviction, and just like all the other life-changing events, leads us to these questions: What should I now do with my life? Where do I go from here? 

The plight of the convicted felon is littered with mental, emotional and physical challenges on a daily basis, tempting one to run afoul of the law with conclusive data supporting the threat of recidivism every step of the way.

Sadly, many will find themselves in some form of legal trouble or in violation of the terms of their supervision and/or release at some point in time.

A little less than half of all convicted felons (and I am one of them) realize the folly of their actions, willingly, if reluctantly, serve the punishment the courts demand for that crime, and then work TWICE as hard to be productive members of a society that punished them.

Being a convicted felon is a rather complicated matter. And the reason it is so complicated is because often, there is no clear cut answer to any questions in life, and there are stipulations – lots of them – which does no favors to someone just trying to do right in their life by starting over, and walking the straight and narrow.

HOW DO YOU REBUILD YOUR LIFE AFTER A FELONY

You start rebuilding by letting go of the past, and by directing and applying all energies on what you can do now moving forward to better your quality of life, avoiding any chance at recidivism. Starting over requires focus, willpower, and determination.

Putting your life back together is never an easy thing, and doing it as a convicted felon is no exception, seeing as how you are at a supreme disadvantage from this moment on, as opposed to many other people out there.

Felon or not, the past does not necessarily dictate your future, however, one should learn from it, thus not allowing yourself to repeat the same mistakes, with the resulting dire consequences (violation, death, imprisonment, etc.)

Many people respond that they could not possibly rebuild their life and deal with it, as their immediate reaction is that it has just been “ruined”.

While this is a normal reaction, it definitely is a bit dramatic, seeing as how (not to make light) there are plenty of people in this world who have “ruined” their life outside of a felony conviction by stupid decisions they have made.

Even some very, very smart people have unfortunately made some terrible business moves and lost everything in the stock market. Was it worth ending their life and killing themselves – probably not.

Life throws things at every one of us in one form or another. No one had a perfect childhood, upbringing, or adulthood, and everyone has a story – good, bad, or indifferent. You are not, and cannot think of yourself as a victim though.

Many people feel they are owed something or that they are entitled to any opportunity, and that is not the case. Nothing is given, and there are no handouts in this life.

No matter what situation brought you to this moment, you can use it to your advantage by learning from it and growing in a new way. Understanding how your actions contributed to the situation you’re in will make starting over and moving on in your life a better experience.

Recognizing the gifts of these changes that are being thrust upon us when we are starting over in life (beyond our will or control) can be a tough thing to do.

There needs to be some quiet time for you to reflect and grieve the loss in the changes you face when learning how to start over again.

You must build back your self-esteem, as it is often overlooked and underestimated, just how much mental and psychological damage starting over will create, especially due to a felony conviction.

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Therein, the beauty in starting over is that you get to let go of who you were in the past. You let go of what was holding you back and let go of all the things that were weighing you down when you thought you were stuck – either in the wrong place or as the wrong person.

You do not need to have everything elaborately planned out either at this point, as part of the journey is taking it one day at a time and focusing on that as you shape what it is you are doing, and where you are going.

You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Martin Luther King Jr.

It is okay if you don’t have a perfectly planned roadmap to your final destination. Know that you are not alone, and it is perfectly fine to trust in yourself to figure this out step by step.

Personal growth is all about appreciating the difficult times for the lessons they teach you and knowing that you could get through them and that you will also survive the next challenge, no matter what happens.

Determining what is real and important to you is essential when making a clean break from the past and coming out on the other side with your mind and heart intact. You will find that this clarity of mind brings the important things into focus.

The paradigm shift in how you look at your life and the world around you will help you rebuild your life and learn how to start over for the better.

These lessons that you will learn from this challenging time in your life will build a foundation of strength within yourself that will hold you up as you move forward to an ever-expanding life that is better and more invigorating than before.

CONCLUSION

A significant change in your life can be painful and even emotionally devastating. But starting over in life doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced – in fact, quite the opposite.

Your experiences have gotten you to where you are today. And today, you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were even just a few moments ago. 

Use what you know best: yourself, and take the steps necessary to starting over in life. 

Felon Editor’s Note: Yes, there are days where I have gotten very, very depressed. Countless times of feeling defeated, dejected, and disillusioned, and that I wanted to just end my life. Saddened by a sense of loss as to what I did to my life and to that of those around me. The time, energy, and opportunities of a life of what could have been, had I not screwed up. So much squandered, so much evaporated, and gone up in smoke. And all of things that I could never possibly get back. What a burden I am and how I ruined so many things.

But then I think about…

All the days when I am so fucking happy (naturally). Countless times of feeling loved, uplifted, and fulfilled. Overcome with sense of joy from overcoming the challenges and (re) building a life that is better than the previous.

I think about my five year-old son and the look in his eyes – how he looks at me like I am GOD himself. And how he hangs on my every word. How I am this superhero that is larger than life in his world and how much he loves me. I think about how my wife stood in the courtroom that day, shedding tears and pleading with the judge that I was the greatest man she’s ever met (she lied, poor thing) and how she needed me to be around and not “go away”. I think about how my father put his arm around me one day in his kitchen and told me he loved me, and how proud of me he was (his felon son). And that I was one of the toughest people he’s ever known, bouncing back from, and building my life back up after all the legal problems I’d gone through.

I could go on and on…. but I think you get the point. Life is what you want to make of it. Yes, rebuilding is tough, but you will get past it and create some beautiful, lasting, special moments with people you love. And that is all that really matters.

-The Educated Felon

You may also want to check out… How to Hit Rock Bottom