32 GREAT TIPS ON STARTING YOUR LIFE OVER AFTER A FELONY CONVICTION
That old life of yours – yeah, it’s over. You can kiss it goodbye. Yep, you effed it up – real good. I mean, I hate to be an asshole about it, but why sugarcoat things.
My gut reaction to all of this is to tell you to take a breath. A really long, deep one. In fact, if you haven’t started doing it yet, you should really consider yoga or meditation (rather than shooting up or drinking), which are practices that condition you for dealing with the stress, bullshit, and rejection you will inevitably encounter in your every day life now moving forward. But let’s be honest, yoga and meditation ain’t gonna resolve this.
They can act as a couple of the many building blocks in starting over after being convicted of a felony – but let’s back up for a minute. I understand that you’re scared. You are probably confused, angry, overwhelmed, and in shock that this whole convicted felon thing is actually happening. Been there. Done that.
But you must accept this change and understand that life as you previously knew it is done and over. The faster you can get this through your thick head, the faster you will start to make things work for you. On that note, I got about 32 more tips that can help you in this little transition process.
1. Adapt
Just to reiterate, your old life is over (just in case you still had doubts). But fret not, my legally challenged friend, cause the human mind and body has a particularly unique way of responding to the troubles at hand by becoming bigger, smarter, and stronger, in order to deal with the opposing stimuli. This is taking things back to a very primitive level, but the human organism will adjust to new environments (a cell) or to changes in their current environment (probation officer/restrictions) when put to the test. In other words, that which does not kill you will only make you stronger. And put another way, you adapt – you must – or you die.
2. Reflect on everything
Before you can make any changes, you have to understand where you are starting from. Personally, I know from experience that it can be difficult to sit idly with your dangerous thoughts. It’s easy to let your mind wander, plus, as nature has it, our brains are hard wired at putting up a defense towards facing the truth. This is why you must look back at a situation, and open yourself up to the possibilities. Why did this all happen? Where did I go wrong? How the hell did I end up here? And after this, you learn from it and move forward.
3. You are not alone
You may be experiencing a more difficult time now than you have ever experienced before, and it may actually be more difficult than anything you’ve ever faced in your entire life. But you must remember, others have gone through a similar experience (Fun Fact: An estimated 19 million Americans have a felony conviction on their record). Everyone must learn how to start over again at some point. So reach out to family, friends, and groups for support and help when you need it.
4. Stop fighting yourself
Does your inner voice criticize and tell you that you cannot accomplish something? Can you really work on something if your enemy is on the inside? If you are talking to yourself in a way that you would never speak to someone else, shut that shit down. Give yourself a little break and do not be so hard on yourself. The punishment of a felony is already severe, and you do not need to help it anymore. There will be tough days ahead when living as a convicted felon – BUT you must not fall apart. Nor should you reach for substances and vices in order to “cope”.
5. Do not invest time with people who are no good for you
You are fully responsible for the people you surround yourself with, and to constantly keep company of those who make you feel bad, inferior, or worse yet, jeopardize the very existence and freedom of that which you so desperately want and need, is self-sabotaging and foolish. As difficult as it may be (family or not) you must detach yourself from said individuals.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
It is an absolute losing battle when you tell yourself someone has it better or worse than you, as you are not getting the full picture. You must look inside and not outside. Focus on the work you have to do on yourself. Once again, you are a convicted felon – you must not and cannot compare yourself to normal folk as they do not live with those same rules and restrictions that you must abide by.
7. Say NO to things you do not want to do
For many people, saying no is packed with guilt. Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing someone. Maybe you are threatened or pressured. Or maybe you’re a people pleaser. No matter the reasons, learning the different ways to say NO is an important life skill for your health, safety, and well-being. And for the plight of the convicted felon, it is of the utmost importance learning to say no – as your freedom and life is dependent on it. Take heed, this will all too often be met with disapproval. It might also result in you losing some “friends”, but either way, you must live and enjoy your life. In order to do that you must be ever so mindful to not put yourself in a bad situation, nor compromise your freedom.
8. Stop carrying things that weigh you down.
Are you feeling bitterness, anger, resentment, and a drive for revenge? These things are the same as trying to get through a desert carrying poison instead of water. Throw it out. Let it go. Put it down. Forgive. Move on. And live a great life (despite a felony conviction).
9. Nurture and love the people who accept you
Congratulations, you are a convicted felon. With that, there are many people who will (now) steer clear of you, avoiding you like the plague – family and friends included. However, there are also some people – family and friends included – who will still be there for you, giving you unconditional love and support. In so many words, these are the people who may not agree with what you have done, but accept you for who you are; a human being. As a convicted felon, love and give these people two valuable things: Your time, and your full, complete attention.
10. Take care of yourself
Mental and physical health means listening to your mind and body, as it gives you clues when something is needed. It means eating better. Exercising regularly. Working at getting more sleep, and controlling stress. Make a commitment to getting into shape does wonders for your self-esteem, teaches you about discipline, perseverance, dedication, and facing challenges. So much goodness comes from taking care of yourself, as your mind and body will then take care of you.
11. Practice being a better person
Be kinder and more considerate. Do what you think is right. Help an old lady across the street instead of robbing her. Not only does karma come back tenfold, but the feeling you get when giving instead of taking is something that does wonders for the soul. Every time I am a mean, petty, cruel, dishonest, low-down piece of shit, I suffer more than anyone. Other people get to walk away from me. I cannot get away from myself.
12. Develop support systems
Put your pride aside and get over yourself as you cannot do it alone – no matter how tough you think you are. A good support system is a group of people who will provide you with mental and emotional help when you need it most. They keep you going strong when you’re doing well, pick you up when you fall, but will also put you in check when necessary. If you had nobody to hold you accountable, recovery could become dangerous.
13. Keep your faith
Having faith in something greater than yourself is an integral part of your overall health. If you have faith in God, or any other form of a higher power or deity you’ve chosen to believe in, it is one of the best places to start in creating a better future for yourself. While I won’t beat you down into submission with regards to the topic of religion, I will say that whatever God or a higher power means for you, that connection can give you the strength you need to get through tough times. So take advantage of it, as that relationship is there for you now and always, so reach out.
14. Reach out for help
Talking about things really do help. You can call a hotline or email someone with whom you can share the sorrow, despair, loss, and/or fear that you are feeling right now. There are many really good people who want to help you get that fresh start in life, have a second chance, or help you press the reset button after a life setback (felony). So, let them give you a helping hand and make a good friend that you can depend on.
15. This is all a learning experience
You must look at the starting over process as just that: a learning experience where you can start over from. The great thing that can speed things up for you fast, is the fact that you now know what not to do, thus saving you considerable time.
16. EXPUNGEMENT/SEALING is a godsend (if possible)
Numerous benefits happen if you are able to score a court-ordered expungement or sealing of your criminal record. In essence, your past will be shielded from public view, consumption, and judgement, with your reputation still intact and protected. With a sealed record, your past offenses are still technically accessible, however, an expungement, essentially clears your record. Government entities may still see expunged records but will now need a court order to do so. Remember, one should always seek counsel to see if this option will become available, as it has a way of considerably reducing the amount of stress, complications, and bullshit associated with having a criminal record.
17. Stay focused
When you are a convicted felon, you are never short on challenges. The world (and the felony) has a tendency to turn what would otherwise be a rather simple task or scenario, into a complex, logistical nightmare, complete with the threat of incarceration as the driving result force. What is most important is that you stop, take a deep breath, and concentrate on what is truly most important for your life, and go all in and engage with it on an active cognitive level. By doing so, you will then find a way of not allowing constant distractions to interfere with your life, and more importantly what you are trying to accomplish (rebuilding).
18. Learn from the past
Everything in life counts as an experience. Now that you are making a new life after a felony, you should avoid repeating the same mistakes that led you here. Sit down and identify where you need to work on yourself, and you just might reinvent yourself after the conviction. People who tend to follow the same pattern in their life become predictable and obvious. You need to break all those bad habits and emerge as a new person who does not make the wrong choices anymore.
19. Understand your rights
Everyday there are many gross injustices that are carried out in this world. Everyone has basic rights under the U.S. Constitution, however, far and few actually know these rights. Sadly, a number of individuals get taken advantage of, mistreated, and effed over due to all of this and the way our legal system is designed. When you know the law, you know what can and cannot be done, you understand what’s within the scope of the law, and (going back to the previous) will keep you out of trouble. One should always learn more about what rights they have, how to exercise them, and what to do when they are violated.
20. Stay out of trouble
Yep. This is not rocket science we’re talking about, seeing as part of the (re)building process involves keeping your ass out of situations. More importantly, the consequences for getting into trouble at this point will be severe and harsh, as all crimes are enhanced since you are a known “criminal“.
21. Let it go
When you let go, you create the space for something new and better to happen. Many people struggle to let go of their past in order to move on because they believe that whatever has happened to them is part of their identity. In this case, that they are a criminal and do not deserve, nor can accomplish a better quality of life, but fixating on the past won’t change it and holding onto pain won’t help relieve it. It’s essential to stop and take inventory of what you really need emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually to move forward.
22. Entrepreneurship is calling you
It is of fact and not opinion that the biggest barrier to a better quality of life for someone who has been in contact with the justice system would be employment. It is also of fact and not opinion that certain occupations and lines of work would be off limits to someone convicted of a felony. Restrictions and rejection – yep, it will be something one has to deal with. BUT, this just may force you out of your comfort zone to consider going into business for yourself. Think about it. What can you do or offer to the world of value, and you just may never have to worry about a background check ever again in respect to work.
23. Accept rejection and discrimination…. and then deal with rejection and discrimination
Just to piggy back off the previous statement (and seriously consider being your own boss) – it is inevitable; you will be rejected and passed over. Indeed, this is a bitter pill to swallow and without a doubt, one of the the more difficult things to accept. You want something badly (perhaps a job or an apartment), and yet it is snatched away from you even though you would otherwise find yourself very much qualified for the would-be opportunity. While I would hardly say there is a silver lining to this, in the bigger picture it does tend to make one extremely strong and determined. If you can get past this and not let this deter your goals, my God there will be nothing you cannot accomplish.
24. Be resourceful (even when you do not have the resources)
Resourcefulness means finding the solution, even if the resources to do so are not readily available. A resourceful person is a person with a positive attitude and the wit to utilize what they have to get what they want. It is not about how much we have already got. Ironically, people with the most resources are often the least resourceful because they are used to things they need being available to them (bratty, assholes, spoiled, entitled). If you are fortunate enough to be living in the United States in the modern day age, you must also realize that you have every kind of resource at your fingertips.
25. Apply addictions to healthier outlets
Addictions can take hold of people in a number of different ways. The addiction may be to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, love, and basically anything else. However, no matter what type of addiction you’re struggling with, in order to boost the chances of success at rebuilding your life, a person must adopt healthier (different) lifestyle choices. Great sleep, healthy eating, and even social interactions can be addictions that can help you live a better life each day and even live longer. Take care of yourself. Workout your mind and body. Put good things in it not just garbage.
26. Consider Relocation
It is a new chapter of your life, and you have a second chance at making it better from the start. It is also true that certain areas make that more possible by offering someone with a felony access to more resources. So if it is possible, relocate, as certain other areas may be more felon friendly.
27. Cut ties with the wrong crowd
I mean, this is really not going to be of help to you when walking the straight path. Moving on…
28. Read Books
Reading helps to improve brain and memory function and keep your brain operating more effectively as you age. Reading also enhances connectivity in the brain, reduces stress, promotes relaxation, improves sleep, and has the potential to decrease the likelihood of developing Alzheimer’s. And aside from all that, you gain the knowledge and experience of someone else’s life, without having to make the same mistakes, thus helping one rebuild their life considerably faster. So read. Actual books. Not magazines. And get smart.
29. Keep a journal
If you wanted a simple and effective tip on how to rebuild your life after a felony, I would say – start writing (I did). Writing has many benefits for mental health. It reduces anxiety, encourages awareness, regulates emotions, breaks the cycle of obsessive thinking, and boosts physical health. A daily journal reflecting on your day will give you the opportunity to write every day and create a space from negative thoughts.
30. Embrace your alone time
You may be on some form of home confinement or supervision (lucky you) and the thought of spending time alone might feel scary, but that exclusive time to yourself carries far reaching benefits and can be very healthy. The key here is not to confuse solitude with loneliness. Spending some intentional time in solitude is an opportunity to reset and center yourself. Whether you find yourself with a lot of time alone or not, you should quickly learn to love that space in order to find direction.
31. Take charge of your finances
Legal issues generally affects a change in your financial status. After all, you’ve probably been pooling your resources to pay off attorney fees, court costs, probation, and/or restitution. A felony can be an economic shock, especially if you weren’t very good at managing your money prior to the conviction. Rebuilding your life also includes taking charge of your finances as soon as you can and it will help you feel in control and plan for your future. Take a seminar or online course, or invest in some books or money management tools. Simply reading a few financial blogs will help. Do everything you can to keep yourself in the green and plan how to manage your money and stay out of debt.
32. EDUCATE YOURSELF ON YOUR SITUATION… because nobody will do it for you
I always say this on all my posts because it is so true. Nobody (family and friends included) and I mean nobody is going to do this for you. In the end, it benefits you, and also screws you if you are not familiar with your case, conviction, and/or consequences. Aside from your attorney, one should always know the answers to their respective situation and not be reliant on anyone for all the answers. Plus, maybe you cannot afford an attorney, or the one you have sucks (been there, done that). Again, that does not matter – but what does is that this is your life (one and only) and nobody should take it as serious as you.
There is life beyond a felony conviction
Adjusting to life after a felony conviction can be a painful process, but it can also lead you to a better relationship with yourself and what you want to do with your life moving forward. It allows you the ability to reevaluate, readjust, and prioritize what is most important in your life, and what truly matters.
You CAN and WILL succeed in having a good quality of life, despite having a felony conviction, as this alone does not determine nor dictate what is to happen in your life. It is what you make of it, and how you respond to the challenges, when starting your life over after it has happened.
-The Educated Felon
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