Look at it. You just want to squeeze those buns and shove that nice succulent breast in your mouth. Beware though, while a little nibble may seem harmless, she can get your ass in big trouble. Being the filthy debaucherous individual I am, I still consider her to be oh so sexy. Yup, I definitely got a few issues going on, but damn if I don’t love me some fast food.

Besides me, the world we live in got some serious issues as well, and for once I’m not going to pick on vegans as they’ll be excluded from this mess.

So who’d of thought that chicken would come to be quite the controversial subject as of late. In particular – Popeyes chicken sandwiches. As of late, people have been going crazy for them, and it seems they’re to die for. You see, a few weeks after introducing them to market – they sell out. Problem was, they couldn’t keep up with demand. You’d think that since it’s a chicken joint, they would at least have the chicken, right?

Now as it turns out, the society we live in really, really like their chicken, and tend to be a tad screwed up in impulse control regarding that. And you take that, along with:

  • Long lines.
  • Limited quantity.
  • A media storm.
  • Volatile grumbling bellies.
  • Terrible, condescending fast food service.

Voila, what you now have is a chicken recipe for disaster. Oh yeah, it’s become quite the frenzy. Consider it the cabbage patch dolls (google it kids), only with chicken.

So the geniuses behind this marketing coup have to be sitting there loving every second of this. Think of all the time and money spent in advertising boardrooms with executive assholes all trying to brainstorm bad ideas of how to get people to want their product.

Hmmmm….. imagine a product that’ll make you feel good, allow it to be quite affordable, all while limiting the supply as you systematically introduce it to the community in order to promote a violent aftermath chain reaction. Crack anyone?

Well, pretty damn close. Although I’ve never tried crack, this would probably come as close to the feeling of me being addicted to it (among other things).

Now the initial weirdness had started in my state of Florida where random whackos were getting into heated altercations over these damn sandwiches. Maybe someone forgot to increase their dose of prozac, but what turned out to be an isolated incident, started to pop up randomly in other areas of the country. Suddenly, similar reports multiplied and exploded in the coming days, with assaults taking place in restaurants, drive thrus, and parking lots.

Must have chicken!!!

Must have chicken….

Was this the end of days?? Was it martial law?? I guess mob mentality rules. I remember things like this happening back in the day with Tickle Me Elmo dolls, and even getting jumped for a pair of sneakers after I waited impatiently in line forever to get them. But a sandwich. C’mon, I’m not trying to get played like that and buy into the hype. Only one thing:

I just happened to be really effing hungry! So, I just had to be a follower and go check it out for myself. Had to. When in Rome, huh?


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Therein, after hearing all the stories, I’ll admit, I was a little apprehensive to go there, what with all the gratuitous violence taking place and on full display.

Should I be strapped if I’m going to do this? Would it violate my probation to be around such anarchy and immoral behavior? Well, I’m not allowed to carry a gun anymore, nor should I think the worst of mankind (I guess). So I did what any other rational family man would do… I brought my wife and son there.

So what exactly happened? Well, I’m happy to report there were no incidents. As far as the sandwich goes, I can sum it up in three words: so damn good.

Is the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich Worth Going to Jail For?

Nothing is truly worth losing your freedom over and having you and your family deal with the pain of incarceration, however, if there was ever to be something of value making it all worth it, then this sandwich would truly be it. Yes, it is really, really good.

And I’ve always been a beef guy who loves a good burger, but there’s something about this chicken (in this chicken), that makes me crazy. Still though, to hurt others over a sandwich. Was that really the cause. Are we that much of a maniacal world or are we being messed with?

I mean this goes down at Disney World all the time. Nobody especially enjoys waiting in line. And if someone cuts, well, they get dealt with. You could say that mob mentality rules the world and ultimately, we are all savages.

Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs, it is the rule.

Frederick Nietzche

Anyways, did I mention that the sandwich is good? Because it really is. Is it worth catching a case over? You can be the judge of that. Educate yourself on your situation, because nobody will do it for you. Stay well and out of trouble.

The Educated Felon