EATING DISORDERS, LAST MEALS, AND THE ELECTRIC CHAIR

Long before there was such a thing as fat shaming, I was fat shamed. Not helping matters was the twisted obsession I had with food. I love you. No, I hate you. No no, what am I saying, I need you. I’m really sorry.

Yup. I know. Well, to make excuses there’s always been something going on in my head telling me I wasn’t full, and never satisfied. So, I’d keep eating. Was I a pig? Was I just greedy? Did I need psychological help?

There was no genetic condition. No tapeworm. Wasn’t big boned. Just armed with a ravenous appetite and lack for self control. Do I really need to say I had lots of issues with self-esteem in my childhood. How could you not when you grow up as a fat kid.

I’d be scarred on family outings to a buffet (even faking a sickness one time so I wouldn’t go). I guess one of the things that’d accompany that dreaded trip was when the comments came. Some were really cruel too.

Whoa, look at him put it away. Whatta pig. He’s eating like it’s his last meal (good one).

The stupid smirks, the shaking heads. Mind you, that was from family (gotta love that, huh).

Anyways, thanks to all of you for the resulting eating disorder you gave me in this life. Truly helpful.

Did you know…

The last meal is traditionally considered a peace offering, and sign of respect by the state given before ending your life. The notion is to have compassion and humanity towards someone who’s soon to be departing their existence. This is also why the individual is allowed the opportunity for final words.

Now why am I divulging all this to you like my paid therapy session; well, cause Thanksgiving’s upon us and that’s when all my fellow pigs unite as one race, allowing their gluttonous nature free reign, and are able to escape persecution and judgement like The Purge , only with food. Let the debauchery begin.

Many like myself adhere to their inner savage and summon their competitive eating skills to get that very last inch of real estate space within their stomach to get every morsel down. Getting back to my childhood, one of the idiotic comments I heard often was he’s eating as if he’s going to the electric chair.

Now as we all crowd around the table to eat, boring conversations take place. Who’s up to what. Where this person’s going in life. You’re having a baby. Congratulations. Yada, yada. How about busting out an inappropriate conversation about death and excessive eating to liven things up. Hells yeah!

What does it say about us with our insatiable appetite we have for crime and violence, and you mesh that with the universal love and cultural happiness food brings to everyone. With that I ask, if you were ever denied having to eat again, what would your last meal consist of?

EPIC LAST MEALS

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Why is it that some overindulge when it comes to their last meal, while others don’t care very much about it. With death just inches away, how’s it someone can even have an appetite. Are they a stress eater? Do they give a rip? Maybe a few psychological issues? Maybe all of the above. You decide.

Largest requested meal: (2) Pizza Hut supreme pizzas with everything on it, (5) lbs. of assorted cheeses, (1) family size bag of Doritos nacho cheese, (1) jar of jalapenos, (1) super sized McDonald’s fries w/ extra ketchup and mayo, (2) pints of strawberry ice cream, (2) large strawberry shakes, and (2) large cherry Cokes.

Strangest requested meal: (1) olive.

Nowadays the tradition is slowly fading as states move towards a budgeted approach to this right of passage, limiting requests thanks in part to some a-holes making rather large ones, then not partaking. In essence, by thumbing their nose at the system and pooping on the would-be generosity of the state, they’ve ruined it for all others. Thank you and f*** you.

Most wasteful requested meal: (2) chicken fried steaks loaded with gravy and onions, (1) triple bacon cheeseburger, (1) cheese omelette, (1) lb. fried okra, (1) lb of barbecue, (3) fajitas, (1) pepperoni and sausage pizza, (1/2) loaf of white bread, (1) pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream, peanut butter fudge, and (3) root beers, eating none of it.

And it is due to this wasteful consumption that legislative backlash has occurred, culminating in a withdrawl for would be requests in recent times, all due to this incident involving Mr. Lawrence Russell Brewer. Well, f*** him, he’s dead now.

Shortly after that the state of Texas abolished all special last meal requests. I’m sure other inmates would like to give Mr. Brewer a special thank you departing gift. And the state would’ve probably allowed it. However not everyone is as wasteful as the departed Mr. Brewer.

Most requested meal: Generally, a token meal of burger and fries. But also very popular are steak, pie, ice cream, and sodas.

Most requested fast-food chain for last meal: McDonalds.

Last meals for prisoners have been around for quite some time. Whether or not you believe someone is deserving of making requests, or to have a say in matters after the act they’ve committed remains up for debate. Either way, it’s the notion that it’s the humanitarian way to off someone.

There you have it. Consider it useless trivia knowledge that may one day win you a lot of money. Or make you the life of the party. It still begs the question, what would you request if you couldn’t taste anything else for the rest of your life. What would that last meal consist of in your final moments. Would you even have an appetite. I dunno, but all this talk about death and food made me hungry though. Old habits.

Educate yourself on your situation, because nobody will do it for you. Stay well and out of trouble.

–The Educated Felon