THINGS YOU LEARN AS A CONVICTED FELON

In the years prior to my arrest (and subsequent downfall), I admit that I was a wee bit self-absorbed and naive. Ever the eternal optimist though, I believed I could talk my way out of anything and there was no situation I could not handle or fix. That all seemed to change drastically when I became a convicted felon, as it made me seriously reevaluate all that I’ve ever known of myself when faced with adversity.

I truly underestimated just how difficult the whole way of life would be for someone with a criminal record and would eventually learn the hard way. Yep, I effed up because I thought I knew everything…. and never saw it coming.

I thought House Arrest would be a piece of cake.

WHAT I LEARNED: Jesus, it was horrific. I just had no idea it would be so difficult.

Look, I’m not going to bullshit you – but when I walked out of that courtroom, I was celebrating the fact that I wasn’t going to prison. My lawyer had tossed around the idea of community control (house arrest) as a possible sentencing alternative, so naturally I jumped at a chance of winning getting that. I was naive though.

Within hours, my post courtroom victory celebration turned into a drive-by colonoscopy, courtesy of my newly appointed probation officer. He visited my apartment (was waiting for me there upon arrival) when I got back home and laid down the law. My head was spinning from all the new imposed restrictions I had to deal with. All of a sudden, everything in my life became super complicated.

Taking my son to school became an ordeal. Walking the dog was now an issue. Even going outside to throw the trash was not easy (and let me just tell you that this type of drama does no favors for any relationship). I couldn’t do anything, and felt I was being monitored and chaperoned at all times – which I was.

All I wanted to do was run away – which I could not. At the very least, I would’ve loved to take a long walk to clear my head and just think – I was not allowed. Gulp…

CLICK HERE to get a taste of what House Arrest really feels like.

I thought Probation would suck but was doable.

WHAT I LEARNED: Probation sucks way more than I thought it would. And it makes you paranoid to boot.

They’re not lying when they say that being on probation is like having one foot in the slammer at all times, because it is totally true. You live life under the constant threat of your freedom being yanked away from you at any given moment, yet there is not much you can do about it. And believe me, that really starts to mess with you in due time. Physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and anything other thing (ally).

You grow paranoid. You develop anxiety. You also become super tense. Sometimes for no apparent reason. But there is a reason. Life is still happening all around you, yet you must be on your best behavior at all times when participating. One little slip up and voila, just like that it was nice knowing you.

You may also want to read… What Are You Not Allowed To Do On Probation

It’s a flawed system designed for failure. Naturally, most humans are going to be resistant having to live life under tight restrictions, all the while having to explain yourself time and again to someone forced upon you. This will most certainly result in some hostile feelings directed toward that person (lucky them), as well as the system.

Hey, nothing personal, it’s just business. But you do become resentful, bitter, and jaded at life (good times). Yeah, living life on this makes things hard. Ultra-hard.

CLICK HERE to get an idea of what you’re up against with probation.

I never thought about the difficulty of securing a place to live with a felony looming on my background report.

WHAT I LEARNED: It is really, really, really difficult. Oh, and you deal with lots of discrimination.

• Sorry, my insurance rates will go up
• Not my problem
• Go live in a motel
• We don’t rent to anyone with a felony
• Yeah, we accept large breed dogs, but sorry, no felons

Are only some of the things I heard. So, let me get this straight, you will rent to the pit bull, but not me? Ain’t that a bitch! Not only that, but discrimination against someone with a felony is rampant and truly is a law not abided by (nor enforceable). It’s like nobody really gave a shit about civil rights anymore.

The way they saw it, we deserved it and gave up our rights. We’re all very bad criminals no one wants around, disturbing the peace and bringing a bad element to a neighborhood near you. Sucks, doesn’t it? Yeah, well f*** them (and that pit bull too).

Bear in mind this rant is all coming from a middle-aged white man who had a background in real estate and finance, so you would think I’d have the hook-up and it wouldn’t have posed such a big problem. Yeah, wrong-ola.

You see, there’s not a lot of faith out there in the community. They would rather pass on your application then tackle with you and all the baggage us (felons) possibly bring with.

…. and when I finally did find a place that was cool and accepting of my background, I practically needed a machine gun and bulletproof vest to get in and out. I would have felt safer living in Afghanistan, rather than the apartment complex we ended up in.

I thought getting a job would pose a challenge but would not be that big of an issue.

WHAT I LEARNED: This is the holy grail of all problems holding someone with a felony back.

There is only one thing I have come to fear and loathe more than the IRS and FBI in this lifetime – and that is that damn background check. I would literally become nauseous as the interview was going well, they wanted me (badly), and was ready to make an offer with the only thing left being that “little formality”. Yep, I knew what was about to happen. Been there, done that.

Countless interviews, numerous awkward moments, resulting disappointment, and subsequent animosity I had developed due to the extraordinary amount of rejection I endured.

For the record: It’s not the fact that you cannot get A JOB with a felony. That can be done with a minimum amount of time, energy, and frustration. It is the fact that it’s extremely difficult to secure A GOOD JOB with a felony.

Meaning – one (job) that can pay you a decent wage so you can provide for your family and not have to consider robbing banks in order to supplement the income shortage to pay your living expenses.

CLICK HERE to get some advice for your job interviews.

I thought being a felon was going to be tough, but that I could work around it.

WHAT I LEARNED: I have never dealt with something so difficult, so debilitating, and so grueling that it tested all I had as a human being.

Just to piggyback off a previous statement that this felony life is no picnic and extremely hard – allow me to elaborate: Life in general is pretty hard.

Getting up in the morning and having to face the world is hard. Relationships are hard. Dealing with poor health is hard. And being broke is hard. But when you are a convicted felon, many of those same things are perpetuated due to the fact that you are a felon. Because being a felon complicates things.

Yet it is extremely easy to find yourself lost, confused, and desperate as you sit there without a job or a place to live. The uncertainty of the future is magnified, and life can seem unjust and unfair. You may also feel like the whole world is conspiring against you.

I know at one point in time, I found myself wanting to die. I was depressed, beaten down, and crushed. I was sick and tired of living in despair, and felt my spirit was broken. Drugs and alcohol provided an escape, but only amplified the destructive thoughts I had swirling around my head. I learned in order to survive; you must put those thoughts out of your head.

And if you really want to be bummed out, read my How to Hit Rock Bottom

And I’m also here to tell you it’s alright to feel like that (at least for a moment). You are human, but you must also move on, and forward. You must stop obsessing over all the wrong things and just focus. You must focus.

CLICK HERE to get some life advice to survive being a felon.

It’s really kind of ironic when you think about it: here we are trying to get out of this dark place and improve our situation. Yet that very situation is the reason why we cannot improve it due to its interference with allowing us to move forward.

My first inclinations when all this started happening was fear, anger, and jealousy of what others did not have to go through (very similar to the feelings of what others thought of me at one point in time).

While my critics would be happy to know that over the years I had an attitude adjustment, I still carry many of the same beliefs and convictions (bad word) I had prior to my legal troubles. Point being, you cannot let problems consume you. Nor should you allow a felony conviction to control your life, thus making it a miserable one to live.

So, you learn to adapt. You must. You also learn to do more with less. You have to, you are a felon. Furthermore, I now admit I was terrified as I’d went through all this unchartered territory. I mean, it was all new to me. I thought I knew everything. I didn’t though – but I learned.

–The Educated Felon