I HATE YOU, I REALLY DO (Serving Time In Bad Relationships)

Yep, I’ve heard those exact words so many times in my life, with so many different women, that if I had a dollar every time it was said to me, I would probably have enough moo-la to make a down payment on a decent pre-owned car.

It’s true.

Over the years I’ve fulfilled my duties in making countless lives miserable. My parents included. Be that as it may, I don’t enjoy any of it. It’s not like I was going out of my way to upset anyone, it was just a clash of personalities. We didn’t mesh, it wasn’t going to work, and that’s that. Case closed. I tried though. God I tried.

I dunno, maybe I got too comfortable in those relationships thinking that someone would always be there. I definitely could say I needed a lot of attention. And if I had to describe my younger self, I’d say I was the type that choose to put all my eggs in one basket. Why would I not? The problem was, I chose wrong. Continuously.

Now looking back, it pains me to think of the time wasted on relations that were destined to go nowhere, only to cause me strife.

It takes a certain kind of patience level to tolerate someone else’s behavior and not grow apart over the course of time. Be accepting of their little nuances, whether good or bad.

Now that’s a real skill you learn after numerous failures. No bullshit. Especially when dealing with all the inevitable fuck ups. And Lord knows I’ve had epic ones.

Getting back to the point, nobody wants to be lonely. It’s always reassuring to have someone special in your life who’ll be partial to hearing your woes and pains.

Turning a blind eye to give you unconditional love. But if unconditional is all you really need, then get a dog, cause your significant other will generally not provide that relief you’re looking for all of the time.

You see, love generally comes with conditions, based in part on those f*** ups. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love. I just don’t believe in the fairy tales.

I’m more of a realist in locating and finding that special someone in life who can tolerate the most messed up version of you long term, dealing with the bullshit rather than running off to scream they hate you.

Someone that can stand me and all my issues. That’s love. The added benefits of sex are already there without having to pay for them to leave, well, that only helps matters.

A man walks up to his wife and hands her some aspirin and a glass of water. She says whats this, I don’t have a headache.

He says good, let’s fuck.

Gilbert Godfried

Jesus, let me tell you I’ve seen my fair share of relationships that have been fucked from the start, watching that train wreck take place in real time. Worse yet, the person never saw it coming.

People have this grandiose idea that the person they love will always be there, not realizing it’s an incredible burden placed on them when having to be in a relationship with someone with a felony conviction.

The lifestyle of being the “rock” akin to someone who has run afoul of the law is not for everyone. It takes tremendous wherewithal and inner strength for your partner to handle all that’s in store for them.

Check out “Would You Marry a Convicted Felon”

Plus, you must have an established, secure, and giving relationship for it to have any chance at survival. To think that this person is gonna stick solely by your side just cause of your winning personality, or the fact that you maybe have a child together is not a strong enough glue to keep it all held together. Nor the fact that you have good sex is valid enough reasoning either.

Allow me to share something that you may already know, and perhaps common knowledge, but seldom being practiced.

Getting rid of a detrimental relationship that sabotages and undermines the progress of any program you may be on is fundamental to success. Bear in mind I’m not talking about all relationships. Just the detrimental ones. Applicable to the ladies too.

Mr. (Co) Dependent

So many guys out there are reliant on their partner for so, so much. The state of present-day men out in the world is a sad song. They’ve been brainwashed into a victim’s mentality believing all bad things in life have happened to them. Not thinking for a second that they’re their own creator of those bad things. Or at least a major contributing factor.

Not fully developing that clarity in life yet, they enter into a relationship with someone. They open up, develop feelings, and let their guard down with this person over time.

It’s understandable. They share some good times. They enjoy each other’s company. They lean on one another. Maybe they get married, maybe not. Maybe they have kids, maybe not.

A Love Fest

They’re dependent on this person for so much because at this point, they’ve invested so much time into them. It’s normal, it’s comfortable. It’s what they know and are used to. Now one of them gets into a little legal trouble (felony conviction) and looks to this person for even more support.

Physically. Emotionally. Even Financially.

This little legal hiccup will now truly test the very core, being, and foundation of this relationship. I know it did with mine. Be prepared, if you and this relationship weren’t strong, to begin with, now is your opportunity for some personal growth. Time to roll up those sleeves. Fast.

Otherwise game over. It’s a wrap, and time to move on. Part ways amicably (if possible), before things, get real nasty and you get screwed in a not-so-good way. In ways beyond words. I mean I hate to be an asshole about everything, but it’s the hard truth and it needs to be heard.

A Hate Fest

I’ve heard countless stories of individuals going back to jail/prison due to their partners calling the authorities on them. Their partner. Their supposed support system. Now why would that happen? Domestic disputes. Jealous rages. Infidelity. Money issues. Being an asshole. On and on we go.

Countless officers have been called to the scene due to pettiness as well. Many, many men look over their shoulder due to the vindictiveness of their partner. At the same time the partner takes advantage, knowing full well she has control and leverage over him by way of the legal situation he created and is in. As a result, buttons are pushed, and threats made, with things escalating quite easily and rather quickly.

A Fuck You Over Fest

Now given the circumstances, I know there’s some partners who’ll really test boundaries and patience. Congratulations are in order as breaking points are achieved, however, there really is no excuse in letting things escalate to a physical place.

As someone with a tremendous amount to lose (your freedom), we must not put ourselves in compromising situations. Over and over. Again, and again. Especially with someone who may not seem to have our best interests and overall welfare at heart. Love, huh?

If any of this at all sounds eerily familiar, maybe you should do a little soul searching. Reevaluate the current arrangement you have with the other party, and the situation you find yourself in. Understandably difficult whether you have kids or not.

But you must not feel stuck in letting a bad relationship dictate your future, thus pull you down further from attaining a better quality of life, no matter what the circumstance. You do this not only for yourself selfishly, but in respect for the other person unselfishly. Does that make sense?

Allowing them the same is a sign of growth and maturity. Not only to keep the peace but from love. There was a time where you both may have enjoyed each other’s company. Well, that ship has sailed now.

Be that as it may, people would much rather stick it out to deal with the bullshit and be miserable, thinking that would be the easier option rather than detach themselves physically, emotionally, and financially. Been there, done that.

When looking at your situation, if you really feel in your heart of hearts that life would be much more uncomplicated without them, and that this person you’re with truly hinders what you’re trying to accomplish (freedom/better quality of life), then you must act. Sooner rather than later.

Do not be paralyzed by fear. Nor should you be a slave to inaction, hoping things will magically somehow get better. Stop forcing a situation that’s not going anywhere but consequently send your ass back to lock up for an incident just waiting to happen.

Yes, it will be difficult. Yes, it’s shit having to rearrange your life on top of all the legal problems that have mounted that you’re drowning in. But you’re way better off doing this now than waiting. Temporary pain for long-term pleasure.

In conclusion, before I went off on a long ass rant crapping all over on crappy relationships, don’t waste your time on a bad one that’s going nowhere in life except ending in one place for you. Educate yourself on your situation, because nobody will do it for you. Stay well and out of trouble.

–The Educated Felon